Just a Sliver, Please!

I did it. I went a whole week eating like a crazed semi-vegetarian health nut. All whole grains (in limited quantities), tons of fruits, heaps of leafy greens, nuts, beans, and NO JUNK!!! I'm so proud of myself- and my local sewage system for handling the end results, eh hem.

The payoff? A sweet 6.4 lb loss this week. How cool is that? I know next week won't show such a nice, big loss, but I'd settle for 2 or 3! And the wonderful thing is that I think it can really happen. But we shall see...

Tonight was a test for me. I attend a weekly bible study with a group of fabulous ladies who, for the most part, are free of the food issues that plague me. Each week one of us will bring in a dessert to share. Sometimes fresh fruit shows up too, or like tonight, two different people will bring a treat in. The selection this evening included a home made pumpkin cake with cream cheese icing, and a plate of freshly baked home made chocolate chip cookies.

I watched and silently debated while a friend cut pieces and passed the servings around. I hemmed and hawed. Do I have a little slice and enjoy it? There's real pumpkin in there and that's a veggie. I could pass, and it wouldn't be the end of the world. I have been doing so well. Why mess with success? But it is a special event; it's not like I have a whole cake lying around the house begging me to finish it off, right? Hmmmm. What to do, what to do.

"Kate, would you like a slice?" I was out of time with that question, and I replied,
"It looks so good. O dear. Well..... (still buying time) I'm fighting a cold, and I don't want to cripple my immune system....(more time purchased, hiding many of the real reasons that I am struggling to make a choice). How about a little sliver? Like, thinner than the one you gave Mary?"

And with that, I was served a lovely, thin slice of delicious cake which probably cost me about 100 calories total. I was already hungry again by the time we parted for the night, and came home to a nice bowl of Irish oats with walnuts, raisins, cinnamon, and no sweetener.

And I feel good. I ate moderately. It wasn't extreme. It wasn't damaging. It wasn't ten cream horns, 2 quarts of ice cream, and a week of fast food runs.

It was healthy (not necessarily the cake), my attitude. And I am proud of myself, for the first time in a long time. So here I look forward to another week of ridiculously healthy eating, and next week, when the ladies and I go out for dinner together, I will hunt for something good for my body, and enjoy their company, and go home feeling fed, instead of sickened.

Me, The Bunny Rabbit

It may have appeared that I fell off the face of the blogosphere, but alas, I was just on a wee vacation. Literally. And it was good. Really, really, good. Lots of walking, lots of memory making with our kids, lots of salads, and unfortunately, lots of extra calories.

Then we came home, and I promptly had a mini-nervous breakdown. It preceded some hormonal changes by about a day, so there's one good explanation, but, it was also caused by a stark realization that I have been trying to kill myself with a fork since the age of about 11.

This is a horrible reality to face. For a while, I just felt like I was ruining my figure with my gustatory indiscretions, but to see the science, the studies (I read a detailed book), the PROOF that I'm begging for cancer, heart attacks, diabetes, and joint/bone issues with each and every junk-foody bite was very painful to acknowledge.

And as I am one not to face the pain alone, I promptly woke up my soundly sleeping husband so he could help me cope. He did help me put things back into perspective. We came to the conclusion that I need help. Well, now there's a soo-prise! What shall I do? I'm still thinking about it, but some sort of weight loss support group would be nice.

In the meanwhile, I have faithfully chomped away on an over-abundance (in my opinion) of greenery, nuts, oats, fruits, and small amounts of meaty protein. I haven't weighed myself (except for one little peak this afternoon) in almost a week!! And, although I MISS JUNKFOOD, I feel pretty good about my commitment to the healthy life.

Silver Lining

I struggled a lot last week with scale-based frustration. I am about a month into a tweaked version of my new lifestyle (in hopes to lose more than just one pound each month) and as the scale refused to budge, I became more and more irritated. Why am I burning 600 calories on my treadmill followed by the Torture-Shred, and watching every little calorie that goes past my lips (giving up my "flex" food for the week) only to see a whopping .2 loss on the scale in a week?

That's a big commitment for someone who has enjoyed absolute slothful behavior (my jaw got lots of exercise!) for the last few years, and lots of sugar/fat laden treats at will.

So, how did I respond? By eating horrible food all weekend long, and giving my poor, beleaguered muscles a 4 day siesta.

Was this productive? Nope. I am now re-losing the 4 pounds I gained, which is a great ton of fun, let me tell ya.

Something had to change. Something must, or else I'll repeat this error over and over for the rest of my life, and look forward to retirement one day donning muumuus and 'housecoats'. Lovely.

With so much in life, I think it comes down to perspective. Strategy in thinking, if you will.

• Instead of working out like a maniac on a mission, I can remind myself that my emotional health (elevated heart rates do wonders for depression and anxiety-the latter is a big issue for me) depends upon a good, heart-pumping workout most days of the week. If I take the focus of my workouts from speedy weight loss, and shift it to health and fitness, then I am less likely to feel jilted when my hard work doesn't translate into great gobs of fat loss.
• Instead of feeling deprived when I speed past the fast food joints, I can instead be grateful that I live in a part of the world where fresh fruit and veggies, natural meats, and whole grains are available if I choose to eat them. And as a result of that choice, I can avoid cancer, diabetes, tooth decay, and heart disease to the best of my ability.
• Instead of crumpling into a heap of despair when I don't see a big loss on the scale, I can be grateful that I didn't lose a limb in a car accident this week, which would result in a really big loss on the scale.
• Instead of dreading my daily workouts, I can be grateful that I can workout. I'm not wheelchair bound; I'm not fighting for my children's welfare amid a civil war, or under communism. I'm not working three jobs and juggling the care of my kids as a single mother. I can workout, and I can do it in comfortable clothes, followed by a refreshing shower, and if it's too hot outside, I'm blessed to have access to a treadmill or stationary bike inside, cooled by a powerful fan.
• Instead of feeling stuck in an addiction to food, I can reach out and share hope and encouragement with other strugglers. I am able to connect online, on the phone, and at meetings for other food hyper-lovers :)
• Instead of trying to solve every problem with a binge, I can remember that problems are always worse when I'm overweight. Problems or not, thin and fit is a better way to face adversity.

Speaking of hope and encouragement, yesterday Jen posted a poem which I found so inspirational. I'm thinking of posting a copy over my computer for future reference.

It's Jillian's Fault

She made me do it.

This crazy "Shred" workout video of hers is probably designed to help people lose some inches and fat, but what it really does is trick unsuspecting victims into a form of delayed-torture that produces its debilitating results 12 hours after the "work-out".

Then, the smart victims choose to recover for three days by avoiding all physical activities that might cause the contraction of any bodily muscles shy of the eyeball rotator-thingies (I got a D in anatomy and physiology; can you tell?) and also eating cheesecake. Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. (The muscles in my tonge and jaw were not compromised.) Lots of cheesecake; and a little fast food tossed in for fun.

What the heck was I thinking??? I kind of know. I was ticked because I hurt myself so much by taking orders from the TV personality who must not realize that if she makes one wrong move, we'll all get an eye full of her nether-regions(The above picture actually is fairly reserved compared to some). Really? Who wears their pants that low? We're all quite aware of her abdominal perfection. Perhaps she's just making really darn sure that we all know that she's not hiding a tummy pooch. I mean, where would it be, if she were? Beneath some razor burn? (Sorry; these ultra-low pants obviously bother me). I'm not jealous. Well, of the belly, yes. Of the partial nudity, no.

I was also full of self-pity because of all the really hard work I've done lately with very little movement in numbers on the scale.

So a few days of unabashed eating have me wondering what the heck I'm going to see on the scale this week. I didn't weigh myself this morning, and I'm beginning to wonder if I should skip the daily WIs, and do it only once each week. Do you weigh daily? Why have you chosen to/not to?